第13回「名取洋之助写真賞」受賞作品 写真集

Limited future

限定35冊

2000円(税込)

​申し込みはこちらから

https://www.kensakuseki-photoworks.com/blank-5

 

これは脳腫瘍という病気と向き合い、自分と家1族の未来を思い描く一人の男の物語だ。

 

 神奈川県愛川町、西に丹沢山地が連なり緑に囲まれたのどかな町で、私の友人である来山輝昌は小学校教師として日々奮闘していた。しかし、2016年7月予期せぬ宣告を受けることになる。激しい頭痛が1週間ほど続いたため、MRI検査をしたところ、右脳に3.8cmほどある脳腫瘍が見つかったのだ。そして、医者には余命10年と宣告された。

 

 彼の病のことを知ったとき、私は母のことを思い出した。子宮癌を発症し約7年間の闘病生活の末、母は旅立った。闘病生活に寄り添うなかで脳裏に焼き付いているのは、治療方法を模索し続ける彼女の姿だった。自分に合った治療を見つけることは雲を掴むように難しい。病気と向き合うことは自分の生き方そのものと向き合う作業なのだと、私は彼女の姿を見て学んだ。 

 

 来山と私は同世代であり、同じ一児の父。母と同じ「がん」という大病を患った34歳の彼がどんな思いで病気と向き合っているのか、どう家族と過ごしているのか知りたくなった。そして、彼の闘病生活に写真を通して関わろうと思った。それは、母に対して何もできなかった、不甲斐ない自分の「くすぶり」をどうにかしたいという思いがあったかもしれない。 

 

来山の一番の心配は生まれてくる新しい命だった。脳腫瘍が見つかる半年ほど前、彼は妻のお腹に新しい命が宿っていることを知った。初めての子どもができると知った矢先の宣告。手術後、後遺症でまともに我が子を抱くことができないかもしれない、今とは想像もできないような生活になってしまうかもれない。不安が湯水のように溢れてきたと言う。

 

 手術は成功、しかし意識が戻った後、左上下肢がまったく動かないことに愕然としたそうだ。脳内の激痛や、左上下肢の麻痺、不安な日々を過ごす中で支えになったのは、家族の存在であり、学校で待つ教え子の存在だった。リハビリテーションをコツコツと続け、昔のようにいかないジレンマを感じつつも、職場復帰も果たした。今では手術前からやっていたキックボクシングもできるほどに回復した。

 

「手術後はいつ死んでもいいように、毎日満足して生きるように心がけている。自分にできること、家族のためにできることを今はやるだけ」

彼の言葉には濁りがない。

「俺だったらどうするか・・・」来山の姿を見ると、私自身の生き方に問いをつきつけられているようだった。

Limited future

Japan

 

This is a story about a man trying to envisage a the future for himself and his family while confronting a disease called a brain tumor.

 

This man, my friend Kitayama, spent his days working hard as a primary school teacher in Aikawa Town in Kanagawa Prefecture Japan. It’s a peaceful town surrounded by greenery set against the Tanzawa Mountains to the west. However, he received unexpected news in July 2016.

 

After a severe headache that lasted for over a week and taking a subsequent MRI scan, they discovered a brain tumor in the right hemisphere of the brain measuring 3.8cm. The doctor declared he had a life expectancy of 10 years.

 

When I heard about his illness, my thoughts went to my mother. She battled uterine cancer for seven years before she departed. The image I have in my mind is of my mother fighting the disease while continually seeking treatments.

 

Finding a treatment that works for you from the mass of information and treatment methods available is as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack. From seeing my mother, I realized confronting an illness is in a way confronting how you live life.

 

Kitayama and I are the same generation and we are both fathers. As a 34 year-old suffering from “cancer” - the same disease as my mother- I wanted to know how he lives with his family and how he confronts the disease. I thought I could become involved by photographing his fight with the illness. This decision might be connected to the feeling of regret that smoldered inside me at my inability to do anything for my mother.

 

Kitayama’s biggest worry was for his child that was still to be born. Half a year before they found his brain tumor, he found out a tiny new life was dwelling in his wife’s belly. This bolt out of the blue came just after realizing he was about to be a father for the first time.

 

Now, with the chance of negative aftereffects of surgery, he was worried he might not be able to hold his child properly, that his life might turn into something unimaginable. He was drowning in anxiety.

 

The surgery was successful. But after he regained consciousness he soon realized the limbs on his left side were unresponsive. But his family and his students waiting for him at school helped him through the brain tumor, the paralysis in the left side of his body, and the days of anxiety.

 

He patiently continued rehabilitation and even though he still grapples with the dilemma of not being like he once was, he has managed to return to work.

 

Now he has recovered to the extent that he can practice kickboxing, just like before all this happened.

 

“After surgery, I try to live each day to the fullest so I can die any day without regrets. I just keep doing what I can do, and I keep doing what I can do for my family,” he says.

 

When I see him, I keep thinking to myself what I would do if I was in his shoes.

 

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